Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
