You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
