just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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