I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he was CRYING into my vagina
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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