drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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