i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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