Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
