I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
