Im at strip club and am horny
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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