I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
