i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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