these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
