1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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