I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
