go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
