OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
