I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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