I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Someone shit on the floor
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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