If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drunk is not a location!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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