My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
