Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
