just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
