she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
