Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
