Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
