its not stalking. its research.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
