it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
