And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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