she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
