I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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