My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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