I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
