I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well you can't waste a boner
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
