you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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