i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
