What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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