Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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