You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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