he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
