the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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