Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
