After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
