Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
