If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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