Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
