he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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