You just made me feel so damn special
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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