She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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