Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
