onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
please come you make the beer taste better
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
