All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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