Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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