I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
