There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
