Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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