My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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