Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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