How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
