Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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