when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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