I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
