Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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