I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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