You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
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If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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