I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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