Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
God I need to hump something, right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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